My (not so) favorite lesson…
My (not so) favorite lesson…
When I was taking the course lessons for the second time, I found myself back at lesson number 5 - I am never upset for the reason I think.
I didn't understand much of the lessons yet, but what happened that day would so deeply ingrain the application and truth of the lesson that I've never forgotten it.
On April 30, 2012, we had a family dinner (my in-laws') at the Van der Valk hotel in Harderwijk. My boyfriend was there, my mother-in-law, my boyfriend's children and mine. The conversation turned to babies at some point, and my boyfriend proudly announced that he'd never changed a diaper in his life. I felt a fire of anger ignite inside me. "You bring them into the world, and then they're too dirty to handle?" I asked. My mother-in-law then said something that caused me to react explosively. She said, "But he doesn't have to because he's a man."
I was completely taken over by my pain-body. I was furious beyond all anger, stood up at the table, and started yelling at my boyfriend and mother-in-law in the middle of the restaurant. "He should be ashamed that he's never changed a diaper, it's ridiculous!" I felt an immense rage - almost murderous, and it even frightened me. It was such a scene that the whole restaurant watched. The dinner was over, and my boyfriend and mother-in-law left, leaving me with a few bewildered young people.
Later, I remembered the lesson of the day - I never feel upset for the reason I think, and I knew this anger could NEVER have come from this event; it was too intense. When I finally sat down, I went back to feeling the anger, asked the Holy Spirit why I was so angry, and stilled my mind to receive the answer. And then the images came, images I had so repressed that I couldn't consciously remember them.
I'm the youngest of three and the only girl. My two older brothers didn't have to help with the housework, cooking, cleaning, or tidying up. "No, they don't have to because they're boys," was the invariable answer. And it didn't stop there; the men also loved to rub it in, "I shouldn't have become a girl." And whenever I showed any emotion, they laughed heartily. During the session with the Holy Spirit, I could feel again the powerless anger burning in my body and how I suppressed everything just to stop the laughter.
How clear that was! My mother-in-law's comment had triggered the old pain of injustice and, above all, powerlessness. So it was this pain that was the real cause, and my belief that I was powerless.
Once that was clear, I breathed deeply and I forgave my parents for the rules, my brothers for laughing, my boyfriend for not changing diapers, and my mother-in-law for the comment. And above all, I forgave myself for believing that I was powerless. What a palpable relief that was!
The biggest miracle, however, came the next day, when I went to my mother-in-law to apologize. She was truly a "take the cheese off the bread, never put it back on" kind of woman - in other words, if you messed up, you'd never get back in her good graces. I can still see myself walking into the kitchen with a bouquet of flowers and saying, "Mom, I'm so sorry. It had nothing to do with you, but what you said triggered an old pain, and that made me so angry, sorry." And all she said was, "I get it, girl, would you like a cup of coffee?" After that, my relationship with my mother-in-law improved immensely, and I was able to use her as the ultimate teacher often.
From then on I applied lesson number 5 to everything and everyone, always. Whether it was a war, or a blob of toothpaste, forgiveness was the answer.
