I was born nauseous,

This year I was introduced to icunow, and also to A Course in Miracles. I knew nothing about either of them. After attending two weekends of De Bevrijding, reading the Course Text and the Manual for Teachers of A Course in Miracles, and having many conversations with various inspiring people within the community, I am slowly beginning to understand what it is all about.

I experienced the weekends less consciously than I would have liked. During the first weekend, I was completely resistant and did not really want to be fully present. The second weekend was overshadowed by how I was feeling physically, and I could barely be present at all. Throughout the entire Saturday and Sunday, I was so nauseous and had such an excruciating headache that it was barely possible to even look through my eyes. I had to vomit a tremendous amount, went to bed early because of the headache, and felt absolutely awful.

I was never really able to make sense of the nausea. I always attributed it to my past. I cannot remember ever having gone for more than a week without feeling nauseous. Sometimes the feeling comes and goes; sometimes it lasts for days. Sometimes it stops there, while at other times I have to vomit constantly. “I was born nauseous,” I would explain to everyone by way of an apology. General practitioners have never known what to do with it, and no physical cause has ever been found.

After the first De Bevrijding weekend, an assistant suggested that I do a Five-Step process around my nausea. After all, there were plenty of identifiable moments when the nausea made me feel really terrible about myself because I was “ruining another fun weekend for everyone.” I could repeat the Five-Step process until something fundamental changed in how I felt. I never dared to take that step. I already find it very difficult to ask someone to do a Five-Step process with me. I would much rather that the other person also gets to hear something interesting in the process.

About half an hour after I left Orvelte in June, the nausea disappeared. And that was despite the fact that, right up until I left, I could not even keep a sip of water down. A few weeks later, I realized that I had not been nauseous even once. And that is still the case to this day.

I no longer need it. I have let go of the belief that I was born nauseous and remembered the truth about myself. Everything that is there is allowed to be there, even when it doesn’t feel good. I am allowed to feel it, and it no longer needs to be pushed away or forced out of me.

With love,
Daniëlle