Love is not a feeling – just something to think about

(So much for Valentine’s Day, expensive gifts, roses, chocolate whatever!)

In various sections of the Course we are told to let go of the concept that love is a feeling to be shared with some and not others. In fact, we are told “Love is not a feeling; it is the recognition of our shared being."

"Love is not a feeling" introduces the concept of true love being an attribute of Spirit, not an emotional reaction subject to change. What we commonly call “love” — attraction, attachment, or affection is often contingent on circumstances and fluctuates. It is based on separate selves some of whom are lovable to others, others not. Some worthy of “special love” others not. Genuine love recognises our oneness and is constant because it rests on truth, not on transient experience.

Put another way, the Course sees love as knowledge or awareness rather than feeling. Where the ego offers conditional responses, spirit provides the recognition of the shared Self. This recognition produces what ACIM calls “miracles,” shifts in perception from fear to love. A shift in knowing our connectiveness to one another. Underneath all our stories we are the same. In this sense, love is a stable state of mind in which we accept the truth of another without judgment. This form of love stays intact even when feelings fluctuate.

Love as taught in ACIM is an active extension of truth. The Course calls us to extend what we are — our true Self — to others. This extending is not a sentimental act but a correction of perception: seeing others as they truly are, beyond appearances and roles. When we act from this place, our behaviour is consistent with love even if our emotions are not. The integrity of love is preserved because it is grounded in being, not in mood.

Forgiveness is the primary practice the Course offers for aligning the mind with this true love. ACIM’s forgiveness is not forgiving because of feeling better; it is choosing to no longer see the other through the ego’s accusatory lens. By forgiving, we remove the blocks to the awareness of love. This is not an emotional release alone but a cognitive realignment: we exchange the belief in separation for the recognition of unity. Forgiveness functions as a practical tool to move from transient feelings to the enduring presence of love as awareness.

Ultimately, saying “love is not a feeling” challenges us to think again about how we identify with ourselves and our relationships. We are asked to look past the ephemeral world of emotions to the unchanging reality of Spirit. When the mind rests in that reality, love becomes the natural state of quiet, and certainty. Our feelings, whatever they are, no longer define what love is.

Here are a few concepts from the Course to think about:

1. True love is a function of Spirit — an unwavering awareness of oneness — not the changing emotions of the ego. 
2. What we call feelings are projections of the ego; real love is the recognition that no separate self exists and therefore cannot be altered by circumstance. 
3. Forgiveness is the practical means by which the blocks to love are removed; it corrects perception so that love is known as knowledge rather than as a passing emotion 
4. Miracles are shifts from fear to love; they reflect an inner change of mind, showing that love is a stable state of awareness rather than a mood to be pursued
5. Extending love is an act of recognizing another’s true Self; the behaviour aligned with love can occur even when feelings fluctuate, because love is rooted in being, not in transient feeling).

Warning: Adopting these thoughts may change your relationships and the way you see others.