Really? We’ve lost our peace because of a car?
I never cease to be amazed at how the Universe responds to our invitations. I know I carry a lot of fear around money. I tend to worry and take more responsibility than I should, and I often (not always) lack trust that I will be taken care of. Yesterday I spoke with the Universe — or with my sense of a Higher Power — acknowledging this fear and deciding to bring compassion to it rather than fighting it or making myself wrong for having it.
And the lessons have begun. For the first time in the 30 years Paul and I have been together, we aren’t on the same page. He wants a new car. I want to experience financial ease. On the surface those desires conflict. We’ve tried every argument to convince the other that our choice is the right one for us as a couple.
“If you get the car, my safety goes out the window.”
“If I don’t get the car, my wishes and desires aren’t important.”
“You don’t care about my well‑being.”
“You don’t care about my happiness.”
“You don’t trust me — what happened to our ‘f**k it’ philosophy?”
“What happened to being there for each other?”
We blew the disagreement up, became strategic and nasty to persuade the other to give up what they wanted. It got so outrageous we began to laugh — for a while. Then it started again. The past few days have been rough, and we both acknowledge it’s not really about the car or financial safety. Something bigger is asking for attention, love, and trust. I wish I knew what it was.
There’s an English saying that may not translate well to Dutch: “It’s all grist for the mill.” Byron Katie and the CIM put it another way: “This is happening for me, not to me.” In our situation, forcing our wills to get what we want isn’t working.
Whatever comes along in life; loss, joy, sadness, is grist for the mill of awakening. Every experience provides raw material for growth. Life’s events, pleasant or painful, big or small, aren’t merely to be endured or enjoyed; they fuel a deeper understanding of ourselves. They feed the “mill” that grinds away illusion, habitual thinking, and identification with the small ego instead of the magnificent beings we truly are.
This reframe reduces shame and self‑blame and invites curiosity: What is this situation revealing about my beliefs, fears, or patterns? How might it signal a needed change or deeper acceptance?
“It’s all grist for the mill” points to living in which highs and lows serve the same purpose: waking up. Awakening isn’t escaping life; it’s being fully present with whatever shows up, handling it with attention and kindness, and letting difficult events teach us rather than defeat us.
I can’t tell you yet about the ending to the challenge Paul and I are facing — we’re still working on it. Whether we get a new car is now irrelevant. Instead, we’re asking:
- What am I so attached to?
- What story am I telling myself?
- What is asking to be healed?
- How can we both be in a state of trust and happiness again?
Stay tuned.
Love Jane
